You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
