Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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