Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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