ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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