you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
