This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
