My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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