Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
