My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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