Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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