did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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