he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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