Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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