all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
