Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
