I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
