Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize