At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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