No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
