I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize