I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize