Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
