Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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