Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize