i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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