Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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