my phone needs a breathalizer
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
