I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I take back everything I said about communal showers
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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