I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
