i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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