Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
