apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
