Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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