If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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