There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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