i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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