Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i think i have two assholes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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