i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
