I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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