On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it hurts more in the daytime
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
