I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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