hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
