I love black thongs
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
