He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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