I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just had sex on a roof
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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