she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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