i already hear my dad disowning me
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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