mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
