like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
