she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
