she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
