im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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