Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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