how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
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The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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