i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
