Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
