The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
