i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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