But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Your dad touched me again.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
