True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
