Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
