im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
