If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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