it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
