I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
