I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
