Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
