That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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