how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
