It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
