the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
