Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
