My hand turned me down
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
