I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
